Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
