I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
