and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I AM VODKA MAN
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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