yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I just put wine in my tea
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
