so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
