'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
