it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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