She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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