Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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