So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
