Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Success! We fucked roommates!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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