my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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