the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
