I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
