I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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