it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's never too late to be topless.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
