If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
