Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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