Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize