I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
