Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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