I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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