mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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