Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
