So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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