oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
