By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
