I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
