my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
im on a boat
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