just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
