I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
