I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
