if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
