My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hello my rib-scented angel!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
