i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
