Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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