I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
