He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
