Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
