The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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