Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
