Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize