i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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