I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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