Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
