running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You ate ashes out of my bong
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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