some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
