I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize