You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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