I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
