Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
