I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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