We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
