My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
