i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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