I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
