I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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