I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
