Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
