Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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