i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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