do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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