you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
